my biggest fear became a reality
i wrote this last night as a word document. i wasnt sure if i wanted to post it at the time, but here it is..
its 1:12 am monday june 19.
im laying in bed nauseaus. im writing this because i think it might be an important thing for me to do.
i just got back from the hospital a few hours ago. i found out that i was raped friday night. by an acquaintance.
i dont remember it, which i am so grateful of. i know that there is a chance that i will experience some recollections some day, but i pray that i dont. but if i do, i pray that i remember at a time that i can handle it.
i was just reading the statistics online. i am now part of that statistic. 1 in 6 american women to have been a victim of attempted or completed rape. originally i didnt want to report it, but now i am certain that i do. and i texted my friend a few minutes ago to make sure that i dont talk myself out of reporting him to the police. and i told her to save that message to show me incase i try to change my mind.
From the RAINN website:
What Happens to Rapists When They Are Caught and Prosecuted?
61% of rapes/sexual assaults are not reported to the police. Those rapists, of course, never serve a day in prison according to the 2003 National Crime Victimization Study.
• If the rape is reported to police, there is a 50.8% chance that an arrest will be made.
• If an arrest is made, there is an 80% chance of prosecution.
• If there is a prosecution, there is a 58% chance of a felony conviction.
• If there is a felony conviction, there is a 69% chance the convict will spend time in jail.
• So, even in the 39% of attacks that are reported to police, there is only a 16.3% chance the rapist will end up in prison.
• Factoring in unreported rapes, about 6% of rapists—1 out of 16— will ever spend a day in jail. 15 out of 16 will walk free.
When i woke up the next morning at his house, I wasnt suspicious. it wasnt until late saturday night and especially today that i became suspicious. pain and soreness and blood. i wont go into medical and gross.
i left his apartment in a hurry because i had to get to work. i still had my skirt and shirt on, but found my underwear on the floor and put them in my purse. i know i was still drunk. tonite after the hospital i was pretty bummed that i didnt put my underwear back on, because evidence probably would have rubbed off on them. but then just before my friend came over tonite, i looked at the skirt i was wearing and fortunately, my (expensive BCBG) skirt has blood in the lining. and some of the dried blood isnt as dark, which leads me to believe it was mixed with his semen. so it looks like i have evidence. and i will be taking that to the police in the morning. and i am ready for them to treat me like a stupid drunk girl. i already got that treatment from the insensitive bitch at the hospital reception. yeah, she was a woman (who the nurse later told me has four daughters of her own) judged me for getting raped. fuck that shit. way to be a woman... solidarity what? i filed a complaint, which will be followed up on too.
i want shane (yep that his name) to be part of that 16.3% of reported rapists (and 6% of total rapists) that ends up in prison. no one should feel the pain and the bleeding that i am currently enduring. and the nauseau and headache from all the pills they gave me. im just so grateful that i cant remember the actual act. but pics were taken of my torn and bruised vagina. and i have my bloody skirt. and he needs to go to prison and be on a list of sex offenders for the rest of his life.
oh yeah and we were texting today and i was acting all casual as if i was nonethewiser. and i asked him if we had sex and he straight up responded no. so i even gave him the chance to tell me. he could have played it off like we did and i wanted to. not that i would have believed him. but he could have tried.
im nauseus. the nurse gave me a lot of pills. i need to sleep.
its 1:12 am monday june 19.
im laying in bed nauseaus. im writing this because i think it might be an important thing for me to do.
i just got back from the hospital a few hours ago. i found out that i was raped friday night. by an acquaintance.
i dont remember it, which i am so grateful of. i know that there is a chance that i will experience some recollections some day, but i pray that i dont. but if i do, i pray that i remember at a time that i can handle it.
i was just reading the statistics online. i am now part of that statistic. 1 in 6 american women to have been a victim of attempted or completed rape. originally i didnt want to report it, but now i am certain that i do. and i texted my friend a few minutes ago to make sure that i dont talk myself out of reporting him to the police. and i told her to save that message to show me incase i try to change my mind.
From the RAINN website:
What Happens to Rapists When They Are Caught and Prosecuted?
61% of rapes/sexual assaults are not reported to the police. Those rapists, of course, never serve a day in prison according to the 2003 National Crime Victimization Study.
• If the rape is reported to police, there is a 50.8% chance that an arrest will be made.
• If an arrest is made, there is an 80% chance of prosecution.
• If there is a prosecution, there is a 58% chance of a felony conviction.
• If there is a felony conviction, there is a 69% chance the convict will spend time in jail.
• So, even in the 39% of attacks that are reported to police, there is only a 16.3% chance the rapist will end up in prison.
• Factoring in unreported rapes, about 6% of rapists—1 out of 16— will ever spend a day in jail. 15 out of 16 will walk free.
When i woke up the next morning at his house, I wasnt suspicious. it wasnt until late saturday night and especially today that i became suspicious. pain and soreness and blood. i wont go into medical and gross.
i left his apartment in a hurry because i had to get to work. i still had my skirt and shirt on, but found my underwear on the floor and put them in my purse. i know i was still drunk. tonite after the hospital i was pretty bummed that i didnt put my underwear back on, because evidence probably would have rubbed off on them. but then just before my friend came over tonite, i looked at the skirt i was wearing and fortunately, my (expensive BCBG) skirt has blood in the lining. and some of the dried blood isnt as dark, which leads me to believe it was mixed with his semen. so it looks like i have evidence. and i will be taking that to the police in the morning. and i am ready for them to treat me like a stupid drunk girl. i already got that treatment from the insensitive bitch at the hospital reception. yeah, she was a woman (who the nurse later told me has four daughters of her own) judged me for getting raped. fuck that shit. way to be a woman... solidarity what? i filed a complaint, which will be followed up on too.
i want shane (yep that his name) to be part of that 16.3% of reported rapists (and 6% of total rapists) that ends up in prison. no one should feel the pain and the bleeding that i am currently enduring. and the nauseau and headache from all the pills they gave me. im just so grateful that i cant remember the actual act. but pics were taken of my torn and bruised vagina. and i have my bloody skirt. and he needs to go to prison and be on a list of sex offenders for the rest of his life.
oh yeah and we were texting today and i was acting all casual as if i was nonethewiser. and i asked him if we had sex and he straight up responded no. so i even gave him the chance to tell me. he could have played it off like we did and i wanted to. not that i would have believed him. but he could have tried.
im nauseus. the nurse gave me a lot of pills. i need to sleep.
posted by j at 1:19 PM
4 Comments:
please stay in reality and keep your head as clear as you can. handle the emotion that'll come and know you have friends. i am here for you through anything and what ever i can do i offer. you are a truly dear friend to me.
i love you
you really are an inspiration
be open to dealing with it in whatever way is best for you to deal with it.
and always remember that i love you
I want you to know how amazing it is that you are being open about this. I truly believe that one of the most important ways to combat rape is to talk about it in the open. It is not something to be whispered about and swept under the rug. If people talk about how sex under those circumstance is unquestionably rape, maybe those men who somehow convince themselves that getting a girl drunk/drugged and taking advantage of her while she is passed out is somehow acceptable? Maybe those men will think again and we can save someone else from what you are having to go through right now. Your strength is the good that comes from this great evil. I'm so proud to call myself your friend.
I want you to know how amazing it is that you are being open about this. I truly believe that one of the most important ways to combat rape is to talk about it in the open. It is not something to be whispered about and swept under the rug. If people talk about how sex under those circumstance is unquestionably rape, maybe those men who somehow convince themselves that getting a girl drunk/drugged and taking advantage of her while she is passed out is somehow acceptable? Maybe those men will think again and we can save someone else from what you are having to go through right now. Your strength is the good that comes from this great evil. I'm so proud to call myself your friend.
Post a Comment
<< Home