Inside of Love

Nada Surf somes it up. Thanks to Jayme and Brian for inspiring me to really listen to the lyrics to this song I've heard so many times.

dont just read it, listen to it while you read it. its a lovely song.

Watching Terrible tv
it kills all thought
getting spacier than
an astronaut
making out with people
i hardly know or like
I can't believe what I do
late at night.
I wanna know what it's like
on the inside of love.
i'm standing at the gates
i see the beauty above
only when we get to see
the aerial view
will the patterns show
we'll know what to do
I know the last page so well
i can't read the first
so i just don't start
it's getting worse
i wanna know what it's like
on the inside of love
i'm standing at the gates
i see the beauty the above
i wanna know what it's like
on the inside of love
i can't find my way in
i try again and again
i'm on the outside of love
always under or above
i cant find my way in
i try again and again
i'm on the outside of love
always under or above
must be a different view
to be a me with a you
i wanna know what it's like
on the inside of love
standing at the gates i see
the beauty above
i wanna know what it's like
on the inside of love
of course i'll be alright
i just had a bad night.
i just had a bad night.

life is good.

Life is good.

Yesterday I had the day off work. I listened to New Order's The Siren's Call basically the entire day and night. Over and over again. It felt good.

I cleaned a lot yesterday. Now i sit here on my futon with my laptop and I am at peace. My home is clean. So clean. And I love that feeling. I remember the first time my room was clean when I lived in San Francisco. It was the day I took Becca to the airport so she could go home to Seattle for Christmas. She hadn't unpacked her stuff in our bedroom we shared. We moved in Sept.1, but that didnt matter. I dont think she ever fully unpacked the whole time we were there. I was totally unpacked on the second day. But i also only had a car-full of stuff. And I'm drifting from my point... So anyway, she was messy. Like unhumanly messy. And I couldnt handle the clutter, especially because it was a very small place. She had not piles, but mounds of clothes and other randoms all over the tiny bedroom. And I agreed to give her a ride to the airport under one condition-- that she clean up her messes before she left. She was leaving for two weeks and if i had to be stuck in San Francisco, away from my family, for christmas, I wasnt going to put up with mess. So i took her to the airport around 6:00 am. And when i got back to the apartment, I cleaned. And cleaned. It was perfect. and I sat in my bed smiling all day. typing away at my computer. totally happy. for the first time in 4 months, my home was clean. and it felt good.

and I feel good now. except i am tired. very tired. a friend was over last night until 5:30 this morning. but it was good. well worth it to be in a tired daze today. i had to open this morning at work so my sleep was very minimal. but the conversation was good last night, much needed. and i feel good. i am thoroughly amazed at how blessed I am with the people i am able to call friends. i have the best friends in the world. and i need to remind myself of that every time i think about missing san francisco. or wanting to move anywhere else. san francisco is wonderful and i definately left a part of my heart in san francisco, but the biggest chunk of my heart is here in southeastern wisconsin. with my awesome family and amazing friends.

sunday i also had the%